Are you wanting to sabotage your next interview opportunity? You have come to the right place*.
Here is a 5 step plan to make sure that you never get the job and blow up your future chances in the company.
1. Don’t prepare
Every employer/interviewer wants to know that you are well prepared and genuinely interested in the role and the company that you are applying for. So, if you are looking to blow up your chances – make sure you know nothing about the culture, company and the specific role. When they ask you company related questions or test your knowledge about the role make sure you avoid giving any concrete proof that you have researched the company. If you happen to show that you diligently researched and prepared for the interview the employer may think you are actually serious about possibly working there…and you might get the job. So avoid that if you are trying to sabotage your chances.
2. Dress down
Casual shirts and ripped jeans will go a long way to giving off that “I am super relaxed and will be the life of the office and probably need to be micromanaged” so make sure that you wear those baggy jeans and sleeveless shirt. There is a happy middle of dress style that is appropriate for most workplaces (think white shirt, cream chinos and a blue jersey type of look) so do everything you can to avoid that style. With any luck, your interviewer is wearing a tie and suit to create even more of a disconnect between your style and the company culture. Doing a little research into the company culture will allow you to really make sure you arrive dressed down.
3. Arrive late
Being late is one of the best ways to blow your chances. It is the first impression without saying any words. Being late essentially says “I don’t want this so please do not take me seriously”. A few minutes with an apology won’t really blow your chances…so rather make sure you are at least 15 minutes late and then try not to mention it – just try breeze past any comment and quickly sit down. Making up a silly excuse to get a laugh may be a good option here as well – just to make sure they know you are not serious about the job.
4. Be Vague
Nothing says “I have no idea what I am doing” than dodging questions or responding to specific questions with abstract thought and unrelated stories. If you are thoughtful and engage each question with specific examples of how you applied specific skills in previous work experiences showing your value add in a company they may think you actually want the role and may be a good fit…so make sure you stay lofty, vague and disconnected from the direct line of questioning. Tell stories about fishing and your best friend’s annoying children and how you prefer to have work life balance and watch TV. Comments like “I prefer to work smart…rather than hard” will go a long way to cementing the sabotage plan.
5. Act unprofessionally
Farting, inappropriate comments or outright lying about things you have done will most likely put a big “declined” in the mind of the recruiter so be sure to load your mind with random facts and comments that will derail the conversation and illicit some inappropriate laughs. Unprofessional banter and being over familiar will definitely get you bumped down the potential list of new recruits.
*As we hope you have picked up…this is a satirical take on the interview process. In each case you should do the opposite of what we are “recommending”. Make sure you prepare well in advance, dress smartly, arrive early, answer questions with clarity and act professionally. All of these elements will give you a good chance at making a good impression so as to go further in the interview process.